


You're My Guiding Lightning Strike

by Vertencar



Series: Listen to the Sound of a New Tomorrow [1]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Post-LKH
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-01
Updated: 2016-12-01
Packaged: 2018-09-03 15:23:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8718961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vertencar/pseuds/Vertencar
Summary: During River's time at the Sisters of the Infinite Schism the Doctor makes a decision bound to change everything...





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic so please be gentle. I intend to make other fics set in this universe, so this story can be seen as a prologue.
> 
> The story title comes from the song "I Belong to You/Mon Cœur S'ouvre à ta Voix" by Muse.

_"She will be…amazing"_

After placing River’s newly acquired diary on her bedside table, the Doctor went back to his place near the window to look at the sky. The sunlight shone through the window and laid its rays at the foot of the bed. It was as if the sun itself wanted to take part in their lives. At this actual moment, it wanted to have a part in this renewal, River’s renewal. The beginning of her new life; full of hopes, doubts and more importantly freedom. 

The Doctor cast a glance at River in her hospital bed, surrounded by her parents. She was in good hands, he knew. A soft smile crossed his face at the sight of Amy and Rory bickering quietly over whether or not River’s blanket was well placed around her shoulders. No doubts they would make wonderful parents in no time. Even if their little girl wasn’t little anymore they would take care of her, make her go the right path. In a way, they always have. Amy once told him about her friend Mels, funny and wild, that’s how she described her. He could see it in River, like a lion who could not be tamed. 

He was so lost in thoughts he didn’t hear Amy talking to him.

"Sorry, what?" He cleared his throat, finding it quite dry.

She rolled her eyes at him. "I said that me and Rory are gonna go to the cafeteria to see if there is some human edible food. It’s past noon and we’re starving."

"Yes, alright. Do as you wish. I’ll be…hum…there, if you need me," He said the last past awkwardly as he stood from the edge of the window before leaning back against it.

After a last glance at River, Amy stood up from the bed soon followed by Rory. They made their way to the door of the hospital room. Before opening the door Amy turned to the Doctor, catching him glance at River as if he were not allowed to.

"Doctor?" He startled a bit at her voice and looked up. "Do you want something to eat?"

"No, I’m alright." 

She nodded, opening the door. In a moment, she and Rory were gone. The Doctor was alone.

The only sounds that could be heard were the ticking of the clock and River’s breathing. One was irritating, the other was reassuring.

After what felt like hours, the Doctor finally decided to sit on the chair next to River’s bed. He watched her inhale and exhale, just to make sure. She looked so peaceful in her sleep, not an ounce of worry on her face. He studied the features of her newly acquired face, she somehow looked younger than the woman he knew as River Song. Maybe it was because she just regenerated, or maybe it was because she was asleep. He couldn’t tell.

The Doctor realised it was the first time he could study River’s face from this close. Tracing with his eyes the outlines of her face, he felt captivated by her beauty. Her eyes were closed and her lashes were caressing the skin under her eyes. He already had memorised the colour of her eye, this was not something he could forget. He was fascinated by her blue eyes, which, when open, were the reflection of the purest of sea and the warmest of sun. Always full of emotions. River had the power to make the Doctor kneel by her gaze only, willingly.

He continued his path on River’s face, learning every curve of her face like a geographer learns a maps. Smalls freckles were delicately covering her nose which had the most charming of bump at the top. Her freckles were spreading on both side of her nose to lay on the round apples of her cheeks. The Doctor restrained himself from caressing her cheeks, they looked so soft. 

He lingered a moment on her perfectly round cheeks and laid his eyes on her cupid’s bow leading the path to her lips. They were sometimes painted red or their natural colour, but they were always so…kissable. If someone else was in the room, they could have seen the Doctor turning red. But it was true. An unknown force was attracting the Doctor to her lips, like a magnet. Clearing his throat a little, he tried to focus on something else. 

Lingering around her face, he dropped his gaze to travel down her neck to her collarbone. He wondered what it looked like under her hospital grown and blushed furiously. 

Her hair was laying around her head on the pillow like a halo of light. Her hair was the most mesmerising thing about her, he thought. The Doctor could not understand the logic of them, her curly blond hair framed her face like the most beautiful of canvas. His hand was having a mind of its own because he could not resist to touch her curls. He caught himself stroking her mane and was pleasantly surprised to feel that her hair was softer than he had imagined. The curls rolled around his fingers to magically spring back to their initial place. It was a wonderful sensation. 

He stroked her forehead with his thumb and froze when she stirred in her sleep. A gentle smile appeared at the corner of her lips as she made a soft noise. Without knowing, this smile reflected on the Doctor’s face.

Withdrawing his hand from River’s face, he decided to place both of them on her hand covered by the blanket. She looked so beautiful lying there, it scared him.

Since the events of Demon’s Run, every perception he had of River had changed. The revelation of who River Song had set a tornado in his hearts. She was no longer human in his eyes but she was a Time Lord, two hearts. And if she hadn’t used all of her regeneration energy on him she would have been able to regenerate, it was all his fault in the end. Everything that happened to her was his fault, and it tore him apart. River deserved so much more than him, a life so much longer that the one he could give her. All she did was to give him her remaining lives and in return he would be leading her to her death.

The Doctor sighed an uneven breath, stroking River’s arm softly. He studied her face for a moment before casting a glance at her monitors. Two hearts, she was a Time Lord, a Time Lady. With this new information, the Doctor was at the same time happy and scared. Happy because he was no longer the only Time Lord in the universe and scared because it was River Song. The woman who made his hearts beat faster whenever she was near. He was scared because, now, he knew he would have the right to…love her, cherish her without the fear that one day she would die like the humans do. Of course one day she’ll die, but everybody dies. Now that she was here, by his side, he wouldn’t let her go away.

And then, there was also the fact that she was a Pond. The daughter of his best friends, who could have thought? It’s as if the universe wanted them to fall together. But at what price? The Ponds lost their baby months ago and here she was, all grown up. They didn’t see their baby grow. In a way it was his fault, again. River was made to be the perfect weapon, to kill a monster. Him. Even if she had overcome this phase of her life it didn’t make him any less of a monster.

Breathing through his nostrils, the Doctor stared blankly at the wall in front of him. His vison blurred around the edges. It’s what River thought of him, to her he was a monster. 

He tightened his grip on her arm. A soft noise coming from her made him realise what he was doing. Instantly loosening his grip, he moved his hands to his laps.

How could River want the life the Doctor was willing to give her? She deserved so much better than that, a better life being a normal person with normal parents. The only thing she saw in the Doctor was the monster within him, threatening to come out at any time. It should scare her, she should run. But in the end it’s him who ran. 

"Doctor?"

The Doctor was startled by Amy’s voice, he hadn’t heard them coming back to the room nor Amy calling him. She was looking at him with her head tilted in a way to ask him what was the matter, Rory was behind her with plastic bags which surely contained their meal. Clearing his throat, the Doctor stood up from his chair and stuttered. He didn’t manage to utter a single word out.

"Doctor, are you alright?" Amy looked at her watch, "We’ve only been gone 25 minutes, I thought we could leave you alone for more than five minutes without any incident," she told him with a grin, "we’ve established that."

At the tight face she received, her smile dropped. The Doctor shook his head and opened his mouth to say something but no sound came out.

"I…I’m sorry, I can’t." He finally uttered after a long silence. 

Under the questioning gazes of the Ponds he felt oppressed and couldn’t take it anymore. He stormed out of the room and went to the TARDIS, the door slamming behind him.

Amy and Rory were left agape looking at each other, confused by the blunt move of their friend. Amy made a move to go after him but Rory grabbed her arm before she could do anything.

"Don’t. Leave him alone, I think he needs it."

"No, Rory. If we leave him alone in his condition, whatever it is, he could do something stupid. You know him." She responded to her husband.

"Amy…" He said in a warning tone.

"Rory…" She responded with the same tone, "He’s our best friend and I’ve never seen him like this before, I worry for him."

After some looks exchanged, Rory let go of Amy’s arm and whispered a small 'Fine'. She gave him a faint smile as he sighed. Freeing her arm from his grasp, she went to find the Doctor in the TARDIS.

When Amy entered the TARDIS, she instantly felt the tension emitting from the ship and its occupant. The lights were dimmed to accommodate the Doctor but he was nowhere to be seen. She called his name, without response. The ship was unusually silent. Amy climbed the stairs leading to the console, it looked like nobody was aboard.

A sound of wires clinging made her look under her feet. Of course, the Doctor was sitting in his swing under the console, his head was down. He wasn’t moving an inch, quite unusual for the Doctor to stay still for long periods of time.

Amy made her way under the console. "Doctor?" She whispered.

This time, the Doctor wasn’t startled. He looked at Amy when he saw her in his peripheral vision. A big smile adorned his face. She couldn’t help but think it was a fake smile, he was hiding something from her. He stood up from his swing and began tingling with the wires above his head with the help of his screwdriver. Amy watched him attentively and caught him glance at her with a nervous grin this time. He was pretending to be alright but she could see his red eyes and the lines on his forehead. 

"Doctor stop it, stop pretending that everything’s fine when we saw you moments ago looking so lost." 

She approached him tentatively, putting a hand on his arm. He flinched instinctively and as he saw Amy’s reaction he closed his eyes to recompose himself.

"Amy, it’s nothing really. I’m fine." He said plastering a smile on his face and hugged Amy briefly, "I’m the king of fine."

"Why are you like that?" At the Doctor’s confused face she continued, "Why do you always pretend you’re fine when you’re clearly not?"

"I…I’m not…" He tried to find excuses but he couldn’t find any. It was clear for Amy that he was hiding something and seeing him denying it made her ever more worried than she already was. This situation made her angry.

"Don’t you think I know what pretending looks like?" Her tone was menacing and seeing as the Doctor gave her no reaction it made her angrier. She was nearing the shouting point. "I’ve been pretending to be fine ever since I lost my baby!" Realising what she just said, Amy took a deep breath before continuing. "Doctor, please." The Doctor was looking at his feet now, Amy took his head in her hands to make him look a her. "You’re my best friend and I know when you’re not alright. And today, you’re not alright. You don’t need to pretend to me, you can talk to me. That’s what friends are for." He smiled sadly as she stroked her thumbs over his cheeks. "And anyway your eyes are red and you don’t look well." She smirked at the last part.

He snort at that remark, his Pond was never one to be fooled. He took a deep breath, and nodded. "You’re right, Pond. I’m no the king of fine."

Amy sighed and let go of the Doctor’s face. She knew he wouldn’t tell her what was bothering him, at least she tried.

She made her way back to the doors to return to River’s hospital room. The Doctor went back to his swing and sat in the same position she’s seen him when she entered his ship. Maybe with time the Doctor would tell her what was bothering him, but it seemed today was not the day. After a hesitation, she took the handle.

"Amy." The Doctor spoke abruptly. His voice was muffled by the distance separating them. 

She turned around, not saying anything.

"I’m scared…"

Amy waited for him to continue but nothing came out, she walked back slowly to where she was moments before. The Doctor was still in the same position but he was looking at her expectantly.

"Of what?" She whispered going down the stairs.

"Everything, the future, River… All of this scares me." He looked so much like a child admitting a silly mistake.

"River? Why are you scared of River?" She asked him with calm.

"Well, I’m not scared of River, but I’m scared of the idea of her." At her questioning look and waved his hands to try and explain. "It’s just that now we know who she is, a Time Lord I mean. And I…I feel like I…"

Amy was encouraging him to continue but he couldn’t find the right words. "Doctor, you can tell me."

He sighed, "The thing is, I don’t want to run away from her anymore."

Amy was silent for some time before talking, "Then why are you running? Why did you instantly run to your TARDIS the moment you discovered your feelings towards her?" She made her way to him until she was in front of him.

He lifted his eyes from the ground to look at her and told her in a small voice, "Because I’m scared."

"Doctor, don’t you remember what you told my daughter, like, not ever hours ago?" At his quizzical face, she rolled her eyes and completed, "Rule number 7: Never run when you’re scared."

"Yes, but it’s a different kind of scared." He replied.

"On the contrary, it’s the exact same kind of scared. You’re both running from your future, from what the future holds." He went back to look at his shoes. "So, what, you love River," He looked alarmed at this word and opened his mouth to say something, but she shushed him. "You love River, and now that you know that she’s a Time Lord there is nothing to stop you from loving her. So tell me, what is there to lose?"

"Her! I’m going to lose her one day!" His shouts resonated in the console room. "Our lives are back-to-front, this could never work." He said, more calmly this time, passing a hand over his face. 

"You’re wrong," stated Amy. Surprised, the Doctor lifted his eyes to look at his friend. "I know we had some adventures with future River that we can’t change, but they are very few actually. This River," She said pointing to the TARDIS’ doors. "This River is young, she hasn’t lived any of this yet. No back-to-front story, no early timeline for you. It’s up to you."

The Doctor watched her with wide eyes, he didn’t know what to say. He never thought of this in such a way.

"Doctor, you have two choices here. Either you leave her alone on this planet and she does her life away from you, away from us and you become back-to-front. Or either she comes to live with us in Leadworth and have the normal life as she always wanted." Amy’s chest heaved after her speech, the Doctor was speechless in front of her. "Your future revolves around what you will decide to do right this instant."

The Doctor hesitated for a moment. "I would love for her to be by my side but I can’t change the future in such a way, Amelia." He shook his head, disappointed.

"You don’t understand, Doctor. Seriously, you’re supposed to be the intelligent one here." She smirked at him and a weak smile crossed his face. "This is not the future, this is the present and since it hasn’t happened for both of you yet, it won’t cause any paradox or a timey-wimey thing." She put her hand on his shoulder, "And I know River would love to finally be a normal person and not a trained assassin. She would love to have loving parents, which she has. And she would love to have you in her life."

The Doctor held a hopeful gaze to Amy, for once he had hope. Hope for his future and River’s. After a moment, he smiled broadly and Amy understood he had made his choice.

—

Since Amy and the Doctor were not returning from the TARDIS, Rory decided to eat his meal. He took a chair next to River’s bed and began to eat his sandwich. 

It had been strange to see the Doctor reacting this way, for no reason apparent. Rory shrugged, he had his moments too. In the time he had known the Doctor, never did he saw him in such a state. It should alarm him, but it was the Doctor and it was surely a Time Lord thing. He snorted at his own thoughts.

The TARDIS’ door opened seconds after and out went the Doctor and Amy. They both appeared to be in a good mood. They were chatting happily about something he didn’t understand. Rory shoot a questioning glance at Amy and she gave him a thumbs up. Everything was fine then. 

The Doctor cleared his throat, "Actually, I think I’m going to try their tea here. It is said to be the best, for the 51st century, though." He said in a joyful tone as he walked out to the hospital corridor.

Amy took a chair and sat next to Rory, searching in the plastic bags for her meal. 

"So…" Began Rory. "What was wrong with him? Did he talk to you?"

"Oh yes, nah he’s fine," She articulated through bits of her sandwich. "He was just feeling a bit under the weather." At his raised eyebrow, she continued. "You know him, I promise you he’s good now."

"So what do we do now?" He asked after a moment.

Amy looked at him surprised, "What do you mean 'what do we do'? We stay here of course, until River wakes up."

River was still peacefully sleeping. Amy caressed her arm through the cover as a broad smile crossed her face. Her daughter would be okay now, she and Rory would take care of her. Even if her baby wasn’t a baby anymore she was there and she was safe now. And her parents would give her the love she deserved.

"And the Doctor? Is he okay with that?" 

Rory looked at River too, in the end his daughter was by his side and he would do anything to keep it that way. He was the Last Centurion after all.

A bright grin invaded Amy’s face, "I think he is more than okay."

—

Everything was dark when River woke up. The only source of light came from her dimmed bedside lamp. Not a sound could be heard. So that’s it, she told herself, they left me all alone.

She brought a hand at her face to rub at her eyes. She wasn’t going to deny that the thought of her being all alone made her want to cry. They left her on an unknown hospital, in an unknown century, alone and scared. A whimpering noise made its way to her throat. No, she had to be strong, stronger than what she was in this moment.

"River?"

The whisper on her left made her freeze. It appeared she wasn’t alone after all. Another whimper caught in her throat, but this time it was from relief. A silhouette made its way to her bed and she recognised the Doctor.

"River, what’s wrong? Are you alright?" He asked worried. Taking the chair next to her, he helped her sit up on the bed.

"I…Nothing." She looked around her, confused. "Where are my parents?"

"Sleeping, in the TARDIS." He pointed to his ship right behind him. "It’s quite late, they were exhausted." He explained.

"Oh, right…" She hesitated for a minute. "I…I thought you left me." 

The Doctor placed a hand on her arm and shook his head. "Don’t worry, we wouldn’t have left you with cat people." 

She laughed timidly at his joke and he felt something inside him flutter.

He slid his hand down her arm to take her hand in his. Squeezing it, he added, "We’re not going anywhere."

And then River smiled.


End file.
